Overcoming my first heartbreak

Your first love isn’t your first kiss or your first crush or the first person you date. Your first love is the person you will always compare everyone to. That person you will never truly get over, even once you convinced yourself you have. You will always love your first love no matter how dirty they did you. And if you don’t still think about them or feel that hurt in your heart once they’ve left or done you wrong, you didn’t love them. People claim they love their significant other but sometimes they don’t. They only believe they do because they are obligated to love in a relationship. It’s much more complicated than that.
As I pour my heart into writing something like this, I want to show you what I have experienced and I want to help others who are going through a similar situation or simply experiencing heart break. The last thing I want is to give this person recognition in a sense of him being the topic, but this story means so much to me as he was the first person I fell in love with and my first heart break. This story is for you and for me.

My first love was my best friend. I only knew the guy for a year but we became the bestest friends. He had a kind heart, he respected me, he was funny...blah blah blah you get it. He was everything I could of ever asked for in a guy. But that wasn’t why I loved him. He was different than the other guys. And I never expected to fall for him or even have any interest in him. But I did. We’d facetime for hours trying to figure out our biology homework but struggle to finish it because we’d go off topic and talk about random stuff. We’d laugh about the stupidest things and talk about people we didn’t like. I felt comfortable telling him personal things and I’d rant to him about my day or if someone made me mad. We’d hangout almost every weekend and I’d be in the corner with the biggest smile on my face because he was there. I thought about him all the time. He was the reason for me to smile and for me to cry.  He was the reason why I looked forward to going to school when school was the last thing I’d ever look forward to. At one point, I couldn’t even eat right because I was so anxious of thought of him. He was on my mind that much. I was obsessed. Not in a bad way of course, in a falling in love way. I felt so many emotions that I can’t explain. 

Of course things happened, people changed, bonds became broken, and people moved on. And believe me, I still haven't completely moved on. Broken hearts hurt. They hurt so bad. But I’m learning to cope. He was my lesson, not my forever. That was my biggest lesson in 2018. The time I spent with him was worth it because now I have this experience to carry with me forever.

Love is a beautiful yet painful thing. It can teach you so much about yourself and you learn how to stay committed, loyal, understanding and so much more, for that one person. I definitely learned that I'd do anything for my significant other. I'd do anything to make them smile and laugh. I'd always make time to see them and learn new things with them. And take risks for them. But, there is boundaries and the most important thing I've learned from being in love and having my heart broke, is to put yourself first. Not in a vain or selfish manner, but to put your happiness, health and comfort first. This will help you from hurting in the future. Love can blind you from reality. When in love, most of the time, you are living in the moment rather than opening your eyes to some situations. Knowing your situation from an outsiders perspective is key. And I wish I knew this sooner.
As of today, I wish this person well. Even though he caused me pain and you'd expect me to be negative about the situation, I see it as a chapter of growing. I am stronger than I was before I experienced this. I've moved on mentally, but in my heart there is till that aching pain that I am healing from. The emotions I felt taught me that i can and i will feel again for another person. The process has taken time and it will continue to take time but I know God has someone special for me who will treat me how i deserve to be treated. And that sums up overcoming my first heartbreak.
If you've made it this far, thank you for hearing me out on my experience. I hope you can take this into consideration for yourself and I hope I inspire you to see the positives of the most hurtful situations.
                                                                   Xoxo, Bella